guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
