No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
