It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
