please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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