I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
did you just send me my own nude
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize