my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
