So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
