1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
