Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
MIDGETS
????
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
