what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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