Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
