i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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