Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize