I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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