we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
