Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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