And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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