I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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