Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
