Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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