Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
