Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
