Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
