Swine flu. Run for my life!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize