You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize