i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
