My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
