the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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