Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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