Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
