Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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