Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We were destined to go to rehab together
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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