You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
