so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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