she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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