Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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