I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
