**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
