Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
