there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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