why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
