so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
