So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
