I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
