Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
