i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
