how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
