Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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