even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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