the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
