she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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