I want to have your abortion
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
