I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
