The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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