I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
