I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was like eating out sand paper
Life is so much better after having sex.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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