Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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