how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
