he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
