fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
