you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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