Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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