I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
