You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
