why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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