Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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