You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is classic penis vs brain.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
