I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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