Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
