I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize