is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize