but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
