Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
